I initially started this blog about half hour after turning in my final essay at University. I finished all my work early to be prepared for an operation that never came, and I suddenly found myself without anything to do. I was about to step out into the ‘Adult World’ for the first time, unsure of where I was going to find myself but certain that regardless of work I wanted to continue writing. This was my outlet for that.
That’s the idealised version. In reality I was writing to escape a very nasty break up, and this can be felt throughout everything I wrote; there were constant subtle and unsubtle attacks everywhere. I’m now able to recognise that during this time I was not very well. As I moved past the trauma of the breakup and entered full time work, my mental health deteriorated further. Unable to maintain the respectable amount of clicks I got when I started, I kept forcing out content that was subpar just for the sake of it. Eventually I was hospitalised and I stopped writing entirely. Ultimately I’m not proud or fulfilled by everything written on this blog.
Perhaps all of this was oversharing, but as of this week I have been discharged from therapy for showing a “continued and concentrated effort to get better”. I desperately want to get my passion for writing back and it felt like the only way I could start to do that was to admit to my previous failings. Over the next few days I’m going to start pruning content and restructuring this blog into something I can be proud of. Going forward there’s going to be no schedule or expectations, I’m solely going to be writing when the mood strikes me.
This is my return to writing after four months, but for the first time in a little while I don’t expect anyone to ever read this. I’m writing solely for me and it’s refreshing.
Coming Up Millhouse 